Parents always want the best for their kids but it’s fair to say that sometimes even adults miss the mark when it comes to making sound decisions.
HuffPost recently shared an article with some key phrases that parents should steer clear of and Dr. Tanya Pellettiere agrees. Here are six sayings you should stay away from and some ideas on what to stay instead.
“It’s Not A Big Deal”
Experts say that phrases like this can be harmful to children and diminish their real feelings. Even if their issues seem silly or trivial, it’s important to instead meet your child where they’re at. Dr. Pellettiere says that doing so, will help them develop their own emotional intelligence and make it clear that you’re there for them.
“You never” or “You always do XYZ”
Using broad statements creates a lack of opportunity for parents to teach their children what they should and could be doing. Instead, Dr. Pellettiere says parents should engage with their children. Being in the room to talk with them instead of shouting at them can make all the difference, she adds.
“You make me sad when you do that”
You’re right, kids can make us sad, but it’s important to set and hold boundaries without throwing your emotions into it. Instead, parents are encouraged to set whatever boundary they need, then give children the power to make an alternate choice.
“You should know better”
Experts say using a phrase like this can inflict shame and guilt on children and puts them on the defensive. Instead, Dr. Pellettiere says to focus on solutions and try to work through an issue with your child to solve the problem collectively.
“Just let me do it”
If you’re in a rush or things aren’t going as planned, for many parents, it can feel right to take over, but experts say to avoid doing that at all costs. Doing so creates discouraging and frustrating moments for kids. Instead, practice patience and give your child the time they need to get things done. I
“You’re a _______”
Labeling kids can be dangerous. Dr. Pellettiere says it takes them further out of curiosity and makes parents seem less compassionate. Instead, she suggests that parents applaud the effort, not the outcome and avoid labeling whether good or bad.
Dr. Tanya Pellettiere is a child and family psychologist in Central New York. To learn more about how she can help you and your family, find her on Facebook.